Some things have changed for the survivor season, just like they always do, but one thing that hasn’t changed is Jeff Probst’s cargo shirts, which haven’t changed since the Clinton administration. The first novel aspect is that third-person narration is being used by all speakers. “My life is Survivor,” Bhanu declares.
Liz says, “One thing you should know about me is that you don’t have to apologize to me for who you are.” Jelinsky lies when he claims during the tribal council that “Jelinsky is a legend” and that “Jelinsky doesn’t have a vote tonight and Jelinsky has never talked in the third person in his life before.” Since the focus of survivor season’s first episode was his legendary poor gameplay, he was not lying when he said he was a legend.
As usual, the survivor season show opens with all three tribes arriving on the beach and gazing into Probst’s dimples for the first time. Tribal names chosen at random always irk me. I can’t recall ever seeing one of them in previous seasons.
Could we just refer to them by their colors? Is it not possible to rename them as “Blue Barracudas” and “Silver Snakes,” as they were on Legends of the Hidden Temple? Siga is green, Nami is orange, and Yanu is purple this year. Who chooses these hues, and why is the tribe required to wear them? Can you imagine having to wear purple or, heaven forbid, orange for the next 21 days when you show up? In orange, nobody looks good.
They meet Jeff right away, and he immediately starts talking about one of my major pet peeves with the current incarnation of Survivor season: Jeff is telling us how hard and amazing the game is to play. This is the reason he finds watching Survivor season so entertaining. We are aware, Jeff. Over the course of more than 20 years, we have been observing this M-er. Consider using some techniques from a creative writing workshop to demonstrate instead of describing.
This is how you do it on Survivor season, Jeff remarks, for the first time this season, as he observes Maria carrying a complete puzzle piece on her back. It’s a deceptively easy task. All of you sip! But the challenge has a rather interesting twist. Cleverly, the winning team receives their flint, pot, and machete; the losing team receives the remaining task; and the second-place team gets to choose between the “sweat” and “savvy” challenges to receive their remaining resources.
Not only does this sound equitable, but it also prevents both tribes from choosing the simpler task and maybe completing it together. Everybody benefits from more penalties and better TV.
Not everybody, that is. There is just one team, Nami. Yanu comes in last, followed by Siga in second place. Thinking they will wear out the opposing tribe before the immunity test, Siga decides to take on the brain-twisting smart task instead of the physical one.
This is a very good tactic, but did they really consider if they could figure out the puzzle? Upon arriving at their beach, nobody appears to be a naturally gifted puzzle solver, and nobody truly wants to take the lead. Ben, a fedora who miraculously turned into a real boy, and Charlie—a Swiftie—take on the assignment.
The task at hand is deciphering a large alphabet board in order to figure out the code that would unlock the Survivor season lock, which resembles a sword used by samurai.
They begin by identifying every letter that makes up a number and marking it off, figuring that math will take care of the rest. They don’t comprehend that the letters that are left spell “Hey, assholes, it’s right here!” I was joking. Actually, it reads “Dig Under Lock,” yet even though they glance beneath the lock, they don’t dig. That is a major blunder.
They had to fill two enormous urns with water from two leaky buckets as part of the sweat labor that has held them over at Yanu. With Q (who is not to be confused with the real antagonist of this survivor season of RuPaul’s Drag Race of the same name) by his side, Jelinsky offers to complete the task that will require “several” hours. Do you know of any rules regarding using cunning on tasks like this as well?
Upon initial reflection, I would have removed my shirt, placed it inside the bucket, and ideally prevented, or at least decelerated, the water’s flow out of it. Or how about filling the two buckets together until the holes were covered, then assigning each guy a walking turn? Although you have to work twice as quickly, I believe there would have been fewer trips if there had been more water.
I don’t suppose we’ll ever find out because Jelinsky gives up after around ninety minutes, meaning they’ll never finish in time. “Last time I checked several means seven,” he states. What are they teaching you in Las Vegas, dude?
Everybody is aware that a single word denotes one, a couple denotes two, a bunch denotes four to 10, and a “shitload” denotes anything over ten. Jelinsky hurls the hourglass over the sandy expanse. Hey, it’s not like the old days, six seasons ago, when you could break the hourglass and make any decision go back. You’re unable to leave this place.
Now, I am all for a thoughtful capitulation, particularly in cases involving challenges to immunity. I give up on individual games with balance challenges after 30 seconds. I’m going to preserve my body for the next challenge, which I might have a chance to win, because I can’t balance for shit. What makes a difference is that in a team game, you don’t give up, and in the first challenge, you definitely don’t.
That merely establishes the framework of your character, and Jelinsky’s is already deficient. By the time we reach the twenty-third minute, I already detest this guy more than any other competitor since Russell Hantz, who I detest even more than Teresa Giudice, and I detest her with a million suns’ worth of venom.
We concentrate on getting to know each individual and their strengths and fears after the activities. This Survivor season has brought forth yet another novelty: each person is identifying their alliance. The Dumb and Dumber alliance is what Ben and Charlie call themselves when they are unable to solve the puzzle. Jelinsky and Kenzie form an alliance that they refer to as the Shaggy and Daphne alliance.
As a result of their shared love of the vintage comedy, Hunter and Tevin eventually join the Andy Griffith alliance. (Survivor season Recappers magazine voted for them as the alliance that Brian would most like to cuddle with in a shelter.) They christen it Charlie’s Angels when Charlie joins the group that the three Siga girls formed.
Given names to alliances, when did that happen? Big Brother, is that right? Moreover, why are TV series and motion pictures the inspiration for every alliance name? This is really not my taste at all.
The opportunity to spend time with each individual participant was something I enjoyed, as the show has moved away from doing so in recent years. Though Liz is allergic to everything, there weren’t any really memorable instances.
Rather, the more we know about these people, the more we will comprehend their actions in the game and the shifting alliances they’re a part of. Having said that, I find Bhanu annoying already and would prefer to see a lot less of him. Kenzie is no longer a concern for me, and the same is true for Jelinsky.
There’s also a task that takes up two hours, and one person from each tribe has to complete it. Nami chooses to roll a die in the dark for a shot. Siga makes her decision through a Roshambo tournament (also known as Rock, Paper, Scissor, according to obnoxious Twitter users). Because Yanu is weak, they simply let Jelinsky to decide to do it and allowed him to continue volunteering for tasks he is incapable of performing.
When they get at their destination, they must choose a card. One card will contain a vote, one a torch, and one a skull. Finding out which of the other two has the vote card is the task for the person who receives the torch card, Maria from Siga in the end. In the event that she does, the skull forfeits his vote and they each receive an extra one.
The two lose their votes for one tribal council and the skull receives an additional vote if she doesn’t. While Tevin pulls the ballot, Jelinsky pulls the skull.
When she first arrives, Tevin and Jelinsky both tell her they have the vote, but Jelinsky is obviously lying because he is terrible at this game. Maria then warns them that she will return to camp and instruct the other players not to collaborate with that individual if she is duped by any of them. That is enough to make Jelinsky give up even quicker than he did with his leaky bucket and quicker than Britney Spears did with her first marriage.
“Dude, you gave up again?” is what everyone says when Jelinsky tells them the whole story when he returns. One of the tribal members will typically respond, “We can’t trust what really happened,” in response to one of these. He may be lying to us in order to gain one extra vote. However, nobody made that statement. They all know Jelinsky doesn’t get a vote, honey, and that he gave up and swallows more than a few—not seven—black holes. He has no value.
At the Yanu, there’s even more activity. Tiffany discovers the box with the key, known as the Beware Advantage. Though she won’t receive the key until her tribe fails the first challenge, it states there is an idol inside. She will then receive more directions on where to locate a key. Now, as usual, she does not receive a vote.
I believe that the Beware Advantages need to be changed. Everyone is aware that when you locate a vote, you lose it. Idle players who use this idol will lose their vote at their next tribal council; why not state that? I’ve always believed that using an idol should be punished, especially if it’s to halt a run like Ben’s in Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers, where he managed to find enough idols to propel himself to victory with very little social game play.
The teams’ task at the challenge is to tow a 500-pound gecko through a maze before working out a problem. This will always be remembered as the cutest Survivor season task ever. This season, can we have the geckos at every challenge? Is it possible for us to have someone sitting back at the tribal council and watching the jury? I would have given my gecko the name Cirie if I were on the show, and I would have given her the victory she so richly deserves.
Once more, Nami controls the entire task. All that stands between Siga and Yanu is the puzzle, which features Jess and Jelinsky on it. At one point, the team starts yelling at him, and he even gives up at that, just passing Jess pieces so she can figure out where they go. Yanu shits the bed, of course. Upon returning to camp, Jess is the first person everyone mentions.
She hasn’t really bonded with anyone, and her ADHD and insomnia have left her thoughts foggy. We know it’s not her because the first person they decide on never goes home, which means it has to be Jelinsky, whose constant quitting annoyed everyone, especially the non-drag-queen Q.
It’s obvious that this is the appropriate course of action. How can you put your trust in someone who is so unintelligent that he confuses several for seven and constantly quits? When he tells Jeff at tribal that neither he nor Q are givers, Jeff responds, “Girl, but you quit.” Then, he declares that he has given up.
How can you support someone who even gives up on refuting his own claims that he didn’t quit? They vote him out, and rightfully so.
Jelinsky claims it’s a blindside, but it couldn’t be true given that Bhanu nearly declared he was going to vote for Jelinsky. He continues, saying that he went home when he felt at ease in Survivor, and that is exactly what happened to him. I apologize, but are you able to be thus comfy? My man, you were not even around long enough to get over the letdown.
However, the individual who spoke in the third person left immediately for home. This new tendency needs to stop right now.